Wednesday, March 18, 2015


Life has been a whirlwind. In the past year + 4 days since I last wrote a post I have finished the didactic portion of Occupational Therapy school (without having to re-take one practical), I started my fifth (out of twelve) week of internship at Brooks Rehab Hospital in Jacksonville and within the last few days. . .experienced so much stress and sadness.

Love is a wonderful thing. I am so beyond happy that I am married to such a wonderful man and that he loves me and we love each other. But with that comes soon much hidden dependence. I say hidden because I don't realize it's there until something happens. This past week, something did happen. And when it did, my dependence on him became so loud and alarmingly clear.
A couple days ago, 5 to be exact, Zach came home from boxing annoyed because his tongue felt kinda numb. I insisted that he must have burnt it or that maybe he ate something he was kinda allergic to. That numbness slowly spread to his cheek, then the whole right side of his face. That is the point I began to break. One second, he was completely fine and healthy, then the next morning he wakes up with more numbness. WHAT'S HAPPENING!? I suspected Bell's Palsy. . . but also everything else. Because life is scary. And scary shit happens all the time. And it happens to anyone. Even the person you love most. I was at the hospital (interning) yesterday while Zach went to his primary doctor to get some feedback. His doctor referred him to a neurologist. Zach text me this information at work while I was in a hospital room waiting outside a patients room while they showered (not abnormal---it's an OT thing). The moment I read his text my mind started racing and I pretty much broke down. My instructor peaked in to check on me and make sure everything was going well with the patient. I guess he could tell something was off with my "yeahhh" response. . .I updated him/cried in his face because I have no tear-control and told him I would be fine. Needless to say I went home early that day because once I start crying I am basically physically unable to stop. This whole time Zach is trying to keep his cool and is doing an amazing job. Just trying to stay busy.
This morning we went to the neurologist and she confirmed that it (most likely) is Bell's Palsy. She was so certain that she went ahead and prescribed meds for Zach. She still wanted to schedule an MRI to make sure there isn't anything else going on. Unfortunately, that will have to wait until Friday, which to me seems like a year away. So for now Zach takes his meds and continues on with life. Right now he is at youth group and then he will come home. Friday he will have his MRI around three. . .and until then I will try and hold it together and believe it's Bell's Palsy which will eventually subside and everything will be back to normal.
When you love someone so much that their illness becomes your illness life gets so tricky. I feel like at that last sentence Zach might say, "Um, I'm pretty sure both sides of your face are working right now. . " but what I mean is, that damn dependence.  . . I depend on him to stay healthy because when he's not. . . I'm not. I get all headachey and cryie and my body feels all weird and tired and everything is out of sorts.

I love him and I am so happy that we are together. If you are the praying sort (or aren't and feel like now is a good time to try it out) please pray for swift and complete healing. . . and that when Friday at 3ish comes the MRI will show nothing but a completely healthy smart brain.

Thank you. We love you.


  1. We are praying for you both and thinking positive thoughts.....Love, Dad and Cat